This is My World

I have ADHD – there, I said it and I won’t let you judge me or say it’s made up.

Here’s what I know is fact: If you don’t have it, you don’t get it; if you don’t have it, you can’t understand it; if you don’t have it, you can’t judge me.  Having ADHD is not some childhood ‘shiny object’ disorder and for those who say it is, shame on you.  Having ADHD is a constant battle raging within you; with mind and instinct pitted against each other.  Let me give you a hint, the mind gets tired but instinct never wanes.  So day after day after endless days, you always lose.  There is no winning for people afflicted with ADHD because at the end of each and every single day we know we have failed at something.

You want to know what it’s like to be me?  Have a stroke, go on, go ahead: have a stroke.  That’s what it’s like, there is a complete wall between parts of my brain, things don’t sync up as they should.  That causes my brain to run in overdrive when I’m awake to compensate for the inadequate neural pathways I do have.  Add to that RPM the need for my brain to translate and control everything I see, do, say, etc. and suddenly the needle on my brain’s engine is in the red zone about to blow a gasket.

I’m not saying my life is harder than others, what I am saying is that my entire life I’ve been playing catch-up in everything.  Racing towards the finish line with everyone else far ahead of me.  I’m not lazy, stupid, or crazy; I’m different and all I want to be is normal – like the rest of you who judge me.  I’d like for nothing better than to have a fair chance at my life.

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